I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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