i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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