We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
