will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
