I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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