I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
