Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
