Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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