New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
