It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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