john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He has the fingertips of a God
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