I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it because I queefed?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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