Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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