He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
