Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
