i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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