I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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