Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
