how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
