So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am one with the molecules
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
