either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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