she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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