Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
