can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
