i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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