I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
