i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
