Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
