Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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