I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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