I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
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They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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