He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
