...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
