A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize