we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
