I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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