You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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