There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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