very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
