$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
