her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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