How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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