Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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