she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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