Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he quoted the bible to break up with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
