roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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