I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
