If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
