you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize