So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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