my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize