it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Panties = found
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