My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
