i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Randomize
