So drunk its hurt
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
