Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
