i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
