So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
