Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
