so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
