I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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