I need help removing her.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
