The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
